Beauty for Ashes

It's so important to remember to take time for yourself.  To just slip away to rest and recharge your mind, body and spirit.  I know, its hard for us moms to actually do this, but it's necessary.  Yesterday was one of those days for me.  Not because I didn't sleep well the night before, but because I needed to escape the busyness of life.  I said no to the dishes and laundry and yes to time to myself for a change. One of my favorite places to go is the beach.  So after I dropped the boys off at school, I went. There is something so calming about the sound of the waves and the smell of the ocean and the cool breeze hitting your face.  The sound of the umbrella swaying in the wind and the cool shade it casts down.  It's a place where all my stress and worry just melt away.  It's just about the only place I can go and completely clear my head.  I left feeling full.  I left recharged and ready to tackle what was waiting for me at home...

I have been through some pretty dark valleys.  It wasn't easy to maneuver my way through; and at times, I was so lost I didn't know what to do or which way to go.   I made many mistakes along the way that knocked me down. But each and every single time, I picked myself back up and chose a different way to go.  There were many people who had ideas or opinions about which road I should take.  Which road was 'best for me'.  But you know what?  It wasn't their journey.  It wasn't their life to live.  It was my journey to travel and the only thing I asked of them was for their support no matter which road I decided to venture down. I know that some of you feel like I once did; lost and not sure which way to go.  I know that some of you are in the darkest of valleys right now and all you want is a way out.  I know that some of you feel judged because of the choices you have made thus far.  But remember this-only you are going to know w...

When I look back over the past three years, there are so many emotions.  I am happy and sad and hopeful and amazed and thankful for all we have been through.  My mind takes me to the baby Adam and I conceived on our second round of fertility meds.  The baby we lost ten weeks later.  The road of infertility is a hard road to travel.  It’s not one I ever expected to personally journey down-but here I am, three years into this roller coaster.  I am left  wondering, when will the ride be over?  How much longer do I have to hang on?   In all times, we turn to our faith.  But in times of trial and heartache, we have learned that the only way to walk a tough road is with our Heavenly Father’s help. I don’t understand why this is happening to us, and I don’t need to.  But what I do understand is that God has already walked this road ahead of us.  God has this and is holding us in the palm of His mighty hands.  He helps us cope...

Sometimes, in order to find yourself again you have to wander.  You have to journey down roads that are scary and dark and be okay if you get lost. You have to find the beauty in the everyday trials that have you wandering around as if you see no end in sight.  Much like the storms of life, the wind may blow hard against you trying to knock you down and the rain may try to drown you.  The storms can be relentless and dark.  But the sun will eventually peek through, His light will surround you in peace.  And at the end of it all, something new and beautiful is born.  You find yourself.  The journey was worth it.

Joint custody is something I don't think I'll ever get used to.  The week on week off schedule is hard on everyone-especially, the boys.  This morning, I dropped them off at school and had to say goodbye for what still feels like the very first time.  I miss them like crazy-every second of every single day they are away. I hate that I am missing out on half of their lives growing up and there isn't anything I can do about it.  My life has felt incomplete for so long because of the longing for more time with the boys. But God.  God has a way of showing us things at just the right moment.  In those moments when we need to see it and understand it the most.  Just when I think it won't ever get any easier, it does a little.  Tonight, for the first time, I was able to find the silver lining in the midst of all of this.  I suppose it's something that I have always known and understood, but something that my heart wasn't ready to fully grasp in or...