Unspoken Pain

"Not one thing in your life is more important than figuring out how to live in the face of unspoken pain."

For so long, I've been carrying around pieces of unspoken pain.  It's a part of a past that I don't want to remember.  Part of a past that I just want to run from.  And part of me thinks if I don't remember, it didn't really happen, you know?  So I stayed quiet.  Quiet out of fear and because of threats.  Quiet because the "what would he do to me" kept me in a state of panic.  The truth is, the person who I once trusted with my life, is now the one person who is out to destroy everything I am.  

So, I stayed quiet; suffering internally.  Allowing only a few people in to understand the turmoil I constantly have to face.  And before I knew it, the days turned to months, and the months into years.  It's amazing how fast time goes.  What's also amazing is how God will continue to bring up the things you are running from-the things you are trying to hide in order to get you to face it and finally heal.  

How could I have allowed this to carry on so long?  Fear has a funny way of paralyzing us.  And those who know our heart in an intimate way can take that and use it against us for their personal gain.  It's a way of holding us captive in our own bodies.  Keeping us quiet and not speaking the truth.  Keeping us from seeking help in order to receive justice. 

The truth is, I'm afraid of what telling my story would do?  I know that many people won't hear what I have to say; they won't believe the truth that is living inside of me.  I can't blame them, really.  After all, I've never stood up for myself.  I've never stood up to the wrong that was done.  But I can't allow that to continue to happen; not if I want to heal. 

I am tired of living life with the thought of "what will he do to me" lingering overhead.  I'm tired of living life chained to parts of a past that I'm too afraid to speak up about or do anything about.  Healing comes with being vulnerable-giving people the key to your heart and allowing them inside your brokenness.  Sharing what God is doing and has done in the midst of your joy and your sorrows.  


"Maybe wholeness is embracing brokenness as part of your life." 

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