Line In The Sand

The line has been drawn in the sand.  And I’m left with the feelings of not knowing what side to stand on.  When freedom is found, the ache and sharpness of yet another wound crawls up from the dark and grabs my attention; begging to be noticed and mended like the others.  I’m left with not knowing how to heal from the wounds of my past.  Not knowing how in the hell I will ever get over those mountains that remain in my way.  I’m left wondering if maybe it’s just too much for one person to overcome.  

The truth is, I’m tired.  The motivation and desire to find true freedom from it all has left me.  I’ve journeyed so far over the years, finding freedom from so much already.  But my weariness is starting to set in.  My prayers left unanswered and the feeling that I have been forgotten plays like a broken record in my mind.  

I suppose we all reach this point at some time in our lives.  The coming to the end of ourselves only to realize that we weren’t made to carry this much weight.  The point where it’s easier to just push the hurt right back down from where it came instead of facing it head on like a brave warrior charging towards battle.  The not knowing how to mixed with the weariness is what placed my foot on the side of not wanting to try anymore.  It has me questioning my why and wanting to embrace that I will always carry the hurt from a past I wish I could change.  

I don’t know how I get from point A to B anymore.  My prayers have gone quiet, and my fire has been snuffed out.  My white flag is out and waving in surrender to it all.  I know that in my weakness, He is strong.  And though I may be weary and feeling all kinds of feelings, I have not been forgotten.  I have a decision to make.  To keep fighting or to continue to be bound and chained to a past that wants me to fail.  

The choice is mine to make.  To run towards the battle or away from it.  To stand my ground and push against what is trying to destroy me or turn around and allow it to put another shackle on me.   To cling to His abundant strength or collapse under the weight I can no longer bear on my own.  The line has been drawn.  I have a foot on both sides.  It’s up to me which path I’ll take.  





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