Beauty for Ashes

When I divorced six years ago, I didn't know what the road ahead would look like.  I didn't know what the twists and turns would be or the mistakes I would make along the way.  I didn't know how long it would take to mend my broken heart or to overcome all that I endured.  There were so many uncertainties and unknowns because I had never walked that road before.  Walking into divorce, the path was lonely and dark.  All because the roads were all so unfamiliar. Looking back,  I can see the mistakes I made along the way.  I can see where I fell short or where I could have handled something a little different.  I can see where I should have stood up for myself or where I should have let something roll off my shoulders.  Looking back, I can see the lessons learned and the wisdom gained from each and every situation that arose.  I can not change what happened along the way, but what I can change is how things are handled in the future. Th...

As I hold these sweet boys in my arms, I can't help but be in awe of God's goodness.  I can't help to think about how precious our time is-especially with the people that mean the most.  How time is something that we can't get back and how our moments should never be taken for granted.  As I pulled my children in closer, I was reminded that even in the midst of this storm, my joy will not succumb to fear.  My faith will not give way to doubt and my peace will not blow away with the wind.  I was reminded that my happiness and worth is not determined by my circumstances.  That despite what is going on in life, my presence will never fade away; as our moments live on in the safety of our hearts forever.

God is our healer.  Not just with all of our brokenness, but with our physical bodies as well.  Sometimes He chooses to heal in an instant and other times He chooses to heal over time.  He has a plan and a way of doing things, it's just important for us to look for and find Him through the process.  It's important not to be blinded by the diagnosis, but instead, be blinded by His light and His love. I have talked about our struggles with infertility because of PCOS.  My prayer has always been that God will heal me as well.  For a long time, all I could see was my broken body.  And month after month, I was let down when the pregnancy test was negative.  I was blinded by what was wrong with me instead of praising God for being my healer to overcome this.  Some of you may be blinded by a diagnosis or by some kind of brokenness today.  I challenge you to look past the hurt, the pain, your fears and see Him, your healer. He heals the br...

Seeking comfort and a safe place to rest his head, my son crawled into my lap and settled in. It's moments like this that make my mama heart full.  From the first moments of his life, the tiny cells dividing and multiplying to form who he is, wrapped up and cradled in the safety of my womb, he has known my comfort and embrace from the very beginning of his existence.  It's almost instinctive; he needs me still, even though he will be twelve this summer, he still longs to crawl into my lap seeking what we all do. Just like my son has always known my embrace, our Heavenly Father has held all of us even longer.  His word says, "before I formed you in the womb I knew you".  He knew all the days of your life, what mistakes you were going to make, the trials you would face; He knew your purpose and calling before you were even formed.  As we grow older, the need to be comforted never goes away.  It is just redirected back to the one who has always known you. ...

In Control by Hillsong Worship From Heaven You can hear I know You're drawing near As I worship Held within Your love The wind and waves will come But I will stay here I lift my hands to Heaven Here my heart surrendered I tell my soul again You are Lord of all And though the seas are raging You will speak and tame them In You I find my rest You are in control Through valleys I will trust Your spirit is enough, to keep me walking You guide my every step Speak life to me again Lord I need You Oh I need You I lift my hands to Heaven Here my heart surrendered I tell my soul again You are Lord of all And though the seas are raging You will speak and tame them In You I find my rest You are in control I will trust in only You No one can add to Your perfection You're the beginning and the end More than I can comprehend There is no one like You No one I will trust in only You No one can add to Your perfection You're the beginning and the end More than I can compreh...

Lord,  Thank you for this day and all it will bring.  Thank you for the peace that consumes my heart when the  enemy says I should be fearful.  Thank you for the blessings that have been poured out over my family already today.  Thank you for what you are going to do through us.  Thank you for your will and the plan you have for us.  Lord, thank you for the victory over our fears and the freedom that is found only in you.  Thank you for your word and how it fills my soul.  Lord, bless those who we come in contact with today and thank you for those conversations that are filled with love.  Thank you for going before me and fighting my battles.  Thank you for making me strong in my weakness.  Lord, I praise your great name today and always.  

Lord, I know that this year will be challenging for my family; as there is a mountain standing in our way.  But you are a faithful God.  You are a loving and just God.  My prayer for myself this year is to chase after your will for my life.  To find out more about what my purpose is and go after it.  To put one foot in front of the other, even in times of despair, and do what you have called me to do.  To be confident of who I am in You when the storm around me is raging and has me second guessing.  To not lose sight of the one who can help me reach the finish line in this race that has been laid out before me.  My prayer is that despite the circumstances, my heart remains full of peace, love and joy so that I can continue to carry out your will as you would have me to do.  I pray that even in the uncertainty of what’s to come, that I am able to glorify you and all that you have done.  Lord, this year will be one where I continually...

With the reality that this will be a tough year for my family, I decided I was going to document it by journaling as well as photography.  I don’t yet know the purpose of my journaling, or if my words will ever be meant for sharing. But I do know that my struggles today will be the light in someone’s storm in the future.   So this is me, right now, in this painful season of my life. This is me fighting against the darkness with His light.  This is me depending on the Lord to give me everything I need to survive this.  This is me, my heart shattered, yet so full of joy.  This is me, completely uncertain of what the future looks like but confident and trusting in His plan for my life.  This is me, weary and weak from the journey so far, but yet so strong because His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses.  This is me, His Beloved, resting just right where I should be; in His peace and perfect love.    Some of you may be walking a ...

You know, my life really is great.  Even in the hard moments, I am thankful for it all.  Every road I traveled down, every mountain I had to climb and every ocean I had to cross was worth it to me.  It was worth it because each obstacle taught me something I desperately needed.  There was a lesson learned, wisdom gained or healing from my brokenness.  All of those things were preparing me for today-for the biggest mountain standing in my way yet.  Standing at the bottom and looking up at how high I’m going to have to climb is terrifying; maybe even a little discouraging.  But God.  He will give me hinds feet in high places.  He will be the light when the journey grows dark.  He will be my compass when I am lost.  You see, He will be everything I need as I ascend towards the highest peak;  already knowing what I am going to need before I even ask.   Is this you today?  If you are facing a mountain that looks imp...

My prayer for you this year is that doors will open for you to carry out your calling.  God has blessed you with so many gifts and talents that are meant to help others see the light of Jesus.  There is something that happens when you’re on stage, worshiping and leading others to do the same.  His presence covers you in those moments-there’s nothing like it.  I pray you can feel how much I support you and how proud I am to be your wife.  I pray that in the meantime, until the right doors open, that God will give you exactly what you need to get through each day.  To fill you with peace and patient endurance until you reach the end of this season and dive into your calling in ministry.  Our God is full of mystery and wonder, that sometimes is hard, especially when you are ready and waiting for Him to move.  I pray you don’t become discouraged in this time of planting because the harvest you dream of is right around the corner.  I love you. - ...

What a joy being a mama is; and boy does it fly by so quickly.  It’s in these moments, I can’t help but think about how much I will miss these days.  How much I’ll miss these early morning snuggles with the one who is an early riser like me.  With each stage my children have gone through, I know this one will be the most difficult for me.  This is the one where I’ll have to let go.  This is the one where I send them off into this world on their own.  The one where my role as a mama changes into something I haven’t yet figured out.  And just like I sit here and comfort my son, I know in the moments I miss my children terribly, my Heavenly Father will be holding me same way.      

My prayer for you this year is that you’ll see how capable you really are.  I pray that you see with hard work you can accomplish anything you put your mind to.  I pray that you know how special you are.  How much you’re loved not only in your accomplishments but through the mistakes and failures too.  I pray that you know that Adam and I will always be here for you, ready to help you pick up the pieces when you fail and celebrate when you accomplish your goals.  I pray that you believe when you have a setback, it does not mean you are less than or that you are stupid.  But instead, I pray you learn from what went wrong and use that to push you forward until you reach your goal.  I pray that you learn to give yourself a little grace in those moments you feel disappointed.  That you look to God first always, especially in those difficult moments where you want to just give up. “Don’t be afraid to fail.  Be afraid not to try” , my son. ...

My prayer for you this year is that you’ll grow to have the confidence to stand up for what you like and do the things you want to do.  I pray that you will have the courage to try new things without fear of failure or what people may think.  My prayer for you is to believe in yourself.  To believe in your abilities and talents that God has blessed you with.  To chase after God with all of your heart.  Not because we do, but because you want to have your very own relationship with Him.  I pray that you set more goals and have the determination to chase after them whole-heartedly.  My son, my prayer is for you to see the potential in yourself.  To see that you are capable of what ever you put your mind to.  To see yourself the way Adam and I do-the way God does.  I pray that you won’t put limits on yourself just because you tried and failed.  But instead, I pray you let those failures push you to try harder to succeed.   I lo...