Beauty for Ashes

When she looks in the mirror, she doesn’t recognize the woman staring back at her; it’s been a hard life lived so far.  Her eyes are tired, her spirit is a little broken, her heart needing something she hasn’t yet found.  She is searching for herself; to find her place in the world.  To find the place where she truly belongs and can feel free.  She feels deeply and has this longing for more that is pulling at every heartstring.  A longing for family, for love, for acceptance, for peace.  A longing to be all that God created her to be.  She is a warrior and an overcomer; broken again and again and then made beautiful by His hands. 

In the dark corners of her heart, she heard God’s whispers; she felt His love breaking through the hardened parts.  In the dark corners of her heart, she began to feel; began to feel for the first time in years.  And it was only when she clearly saw Jesus did she correctly see herself.  Loved. Wanted. Beautiful. Strong. Courageous. A warrior and an overcomer.  A mother.  Friend. A child of The Most High.

Single moms will always have a special place in my heart; after all, I was one for three years.  And it wasn't until I found myself walking that road, did I truly understand what being a single mom actually looked like.  The physical, the mental; the demand of trying to mend my broken heart all while staying strong for my children, it was all so very overwhelming and difficult.  But had it not been for the loss of my former marriage, I wouldn't have come to know Him the way I have.  You see, it wasn't until my life was completely turned upside down did I truly seek Him with all my heart.  Loss and destruction can bring us to the end of ourselves; leaving us with an emptiness that only He can fill.  And standing in my kitchen in the summer of 2010, I found myself alone, sobbing over a sink full of dishes not knowing what to do or where to go; I didn't have a clue how I would manage this new found life I was thrown into.   But in that moment, inst...

I feel like the last few years all I’ve been doing is climbing but not really going anywhere, you know?  And while in the wilderness, it's easy to see the things I’m missing in my life or the things that I have lost.  I notice what I lack and am quick to point out my weaknesses and flaws.  My head has me questioning where God is in the middle of all this, but my heart knows He is right there and that I can come to Him just as I am.  It’s a constant pull between what I know to be true and what the enemy wants me to hear and believe. And the hard part, at least for me, is to push past the lies in order to seek the entire truth.  To rest in His promises and love and see the blessings in the mundane and ordinary moments.  To see the blessings in the storm and rely on my faith until His promises come to pass.  I have my moments of clarity, the moments when I can see the beauty.  But I also have moments of darkness, where the storms cloud my eyes...