Beauty for Ashes

“God will often guide your life through what He provides for you, but sometimes, He will guide you through what He withholds” -Steven Furtick This quote is so profound.  As I sit here writing this, the one thing I know to be true is that He does guide you through it all.  The good, the bad, the ugly and chaotic.  When I first read this quote, the immediate pain of Him guiding me through what is being withheld weighs heavy on my heart. The reality of infertility and not being able to conceive is tremendous.  Something I never thought I would have to walk through.  But for four years now this has been my journey.  Months and months of “not yet”.  Days of dreaming and praying; of hanging on tight to my faith and sometimes letting it go to feel what my heart needed to feel.  The withholding is teaching me something.  What, I don’t yet know or understand.  But if God is saying, “not yet” it’s for a reason, and that I know first hand....

The wind carried her to places she’d rather not have gone.  To places that were unfamiliar and dark.  She was living a life of unknowns.  Of what nows.  Of where to go from here’s.  She knew a beautiful mess of a life was waiting for her, but where would she find it here? With each step forward, she slowly began to trust.  Slowly began to feel Him.   Faith steps.  A letting go and giving of control.  Her heart.  Her mind.  Her worries and anxieties.  A constant exchange of giving and taking.  Sorrow and joy.  Thanking and praising.  Of trusting despite the unknowns.   She took faith steps forward and saw His hands in this place.  A beautiful mess of a life waiting to be lived.  Waiting to be lived in the face of uncertainty. Of what nows and where to go from here’s.  A life waiting to be found and seen through different eyes.  His eyes.   And just as she found what she ...

I suppose everyone lives a life of unknowns and what nows.  A life of uncertainty chases us all.  There’s a beautiful mess of a life waiting to be lived no matter what we face.  To lift our arms and surrender it all.  To smell the fresh air that is full of possibilities.  To conquer the chaos that is trying to defeat us.   A beautiful mess of a life is a blessing.  One that begs to be embraced through the good and bad.  One that longs to be shared with friends and family.  One that speaks truth with love and grace.   Always forgiving.  Always thanking.  Always striving to be the best version of themselves despite the mistakes and failures.   I suppose that everyone living a life that is a beautiful mess is thankful, like me.  For it teaches us the frailty of human love and life and all the moments that mean something to us.  Forever changing who we are into what we are to become in order to fully live t...

There He is, in the light filtering down from Heaven.  I don’t always feel His presence.  I don’t always see His face in a situation.  But in my heart I know with certainty that He is always there.  Despite what I feel.  Despite what I do, or don’t do.  Despite my poor decisions and mistakes, He is always there.   He is there every morning when the sun rises.  He is in the wind that blows the branch to get your attention.  He is there in the light streaming in towards you.  He is beautiful in the way He loves us.  The way His grace shines through us without shame.  The way He gives so freely to you and me.  If you seek, you will find Him.  And in Him you will find what we all crave.  Acceptance.  Forgiveness.  Love.  You will find endless amounts of His goodness overflowing on you.