Beauty for Ashes

It is written, that I am His Beloved.    The truth is, I don’t always feel like I am.  Trials have found me; leaving me unsure of who I am or what my purpose is. Rejection.  Heartbreak.  Loss.   So many of those moments have held me captive.   So many of those moments have broken me. So many of those moments have lead me to believe that I am less than and unworthy to be called His Beloved. But. It is written, that I am. The trials that have found me can’t change truth. Loved.  Wanted.  Found in Him.   All things that are written about who I am. All things that I am despite circumstances I find myself in. The trials and rejection; heartbreak and loss weren’t meant to keep me captive. They weren’t meant to leave me broken and unrecognizable. They weren’t meant to make me question whose I am. It is written, that I am His Beloved. And nothing will ever separate me from that ...

I’m not going to sugar coat it—emotionally, I’ve been drained.  Life and the trials in it are hard sometimes.  Not feeling like myself yesterday, I decided to make some brownies for my hubby.  I suppose I wanted to feel something—joy, gratitude; something other than the sadness I’ve been feeling.  But the truth is, I was looking for that something in all the wrong places.   It wasn’t until that evening, when the sun started to go down did I see it.  True joy and whatever feeling I was looking to feel comes from one source—HIM.  As I walked through my kitchen, and saw HIS light shining so beautifully on this pan of brownies It. All. Made. Sense.  I felt it creeping up in the form of a huge smile.  And I felt it as I ran downstairs to my office to grab my camera.  I felt HIM shinning into my failed attempt to find something I so desperately needed that day.   A pan of brownies isn’t what I needed to do to find that joy....

The way to true intimacy with God is not to live on the mountain top, but to get to know His faithfulness in the valley.  -Craig Groeschel I feel like this is the deepest and widest valley I’ve had to journey through.  And something tells me that when it is all said and done, I’ll look back on this and realize that it wasn’t.  There comes great pain and heartbreak with rejection; especially if it’s someone you love deeply pushing you away. The pain runs deep and wide, just like the valley does.   In the beginning of it all, I would look around, and all I could see was loss and devastation; I could only see what was missing from my life.  And I would think to myself that there is no way I’ll be able to journey up and out of this; this is just too much— even for me.  It’s then, I’m reminded, that this too, shall pass.  Just like all the other storms have.  And the one who has promised to never leave me, will be right by my side.  ...