I am Broken

I feel like I have so many titles.  I'm a woman.  I'm a child of the Most High.  I'm a wife.  I'm a mother.  I'm a homemaker.  But, it's the less obvious title that I've felt I needed to express.  One that is always in the background.  One that is always in the dark.  It's not always easy to admit, but, I am also broken.  I suppose we all are in some way-some more than others.  No matter what has broken you though, the road to mend every single crack and reinforce every broken bone, at least for me, has been a long, painful journey.  I know that slowly and surely though, I am making progress; and that, I am thankful for.  

I sat down with the intention of writing about being broken.  I wanted to write about how I feel on the inside.  How I know that many of you with the same titles as me must feel too.  As moms, especially, we put an immense amount of expectation on ourselves.  We tend to compare ourselves to others without hesitation.  As wives, we also compare.  In every title, it's so easy to fall into the trap of  comparison.  And when that comparison comes from a place of brokenness, it makes it all the more painful.  

So, as a woman, I am broken.  I don't know about you, but I don't want the chains of my past to continue to weigh me down.  As I began to write, this poem flooded my heart.  I soon realized that my spirit was helping me to express what I wanted my husband to hear.  Words that I didn't know how to say.  You see, part of my brokenness comes from a place of pride.  I don't like to ask for help, especially when it has to do with an area that I am broken in.  But, I know that being broken and prideful at the same time, is a disaster waiting to happen.  There can't be true healing that way-at least for me.  So I am thankful for my Heavenly Father who bends and stretches me.  And when I am stubborn, he gets Adam to get through to me.  I am thankful for his grace and the way he gets me to see things through his eyes.  I am thankful that he is patient with me.  I am thankful for his love and for his strength.  Always. 

This poem couldn't be more true of what I wanted to express.

You may not see it,

by looking at me.

I have come a long way,

from where I used to be.

Behind my smile,

and vibrant green eyes,

you'll find that I'm a woman,

that's broken inside.

So please be gentle,

with your words to me.

Because I'm trying to heal,

what's broken in me.

Please be patient,

while I figure things out.

I don't know how to do this,

all by myself.

I need your help,

to make me see.

All the chains,

that are binding me.

These chains are heavy,

Please help set me free.

From all the pain,

that's weighing on me.

Please be my rock,

a safe place for me to stand.

So I can get through this,

without sinking in the sand.

I know I'm asking a lot of you,

but somehow you won't mind.

I'm the love of your life you say,

I'm one of a kind.

Without your steady hand on mine,

I don't know what I would do.

I feel your love running through my veins,

It's your love that gets me through.

So Thank you for loving me,

the way that you do. 

I need you to know,

That I LOVE YOU too.