Beauty for Ashes

My journey in life has been amazing-even in the midst of heartache and trials.  My journey took me to places that I thought would destroy me completely or break me beyond repair.  My journey has had the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. And with each high and each low I praised God the same.  You see, my journey always includes God.  It doesn't matter where I am going, He is coming along.  My journey always brought me to His feet whether the reason was praise or to cry out to Him for help. Today is no different.  I still desire God to be with me every step of the way.  My heart is His.  My life is His.  I have stumbled through the darkest of valleys and I don't want to do it without Him.  I have seen what He alone can do.  I have seen His miracles work in my own life.  My joy and my peace in heartache and trials are because He is alive inside of me.  Only He satisfies my soul.  God is my resting place.

Shame.  A lot of us carry this around when it's not ours to bear.  But why do we do it anyway?  Someone made me realize this weekend just how much shame I have been carrying around with me. He made me realize how this shame has been holding me back from being all that God made me to be.  Shame has me in chains and shackles and that is preventing me from taking steps forward.  Instead, I have been knocking myself back a few steps at a time or just staying in the same place. I've been asking myself for the last few days-why?  Why are you carrying around something that isn't yours to carry?  Why are you bearing a burden that you shouldn't?  And the truth is, I can't answer it, really.  You see, I have been carrying around a tremendous amount of shame as well as embarrassment because of my past-because of what my story is.  Because of the subject matter, I feel as if I am constantly being judged or looked upon a certain way.  Because ...

It's hard not to be still when you are flying through the clouds.  It renders you speechless because the views are so breathtaking. You can't help but think, 'wow, God'. I caught my youngest, Owen, quietly snapping away.  I suppose he was in awe of the beauty + of seeing the earth below him through a different set of eyes; possibly thinking this must be God's view every single day.  But mostly, watching Owen in that still, quiet moment, made me think about what God has made beautiful in my life.  The blessing of children + my husband + second chances + grace + unconditional love.  It's nice to slow down and have those quiet moments to reflect + to thank the one who has made all of that possible.

Life is full of hard decisions, especially if you're a parent. Young minds don't always understand the choices we have to make for them. No matter how big or small the decision is, always include God in the decision making process. Especially the hard ones. The big decisions can be extremely scary to make and our ability to make the right call can be cloudy due to our heart and the way we feel. I'm assured when I read Psalm 56:3... "When I am afraid, I will trust in you." So let God help guide you with every big and small decision even if it's going against everything you feel.

{Finding Beauty} in my everyday.  Today, it's the beauty in the midst of a storm.  Much like the storms of life, the wind may blow hard against you trying to knock you down and the rain may try to drown you.  The storms can be relentless and dark.  But, the sun will eventually peek through, His light will surround you in peace.  And at the end of it all, something new and beautiful is born. 

Our lives are made up of so many defining moments.  Defining moments in life give us hope.  They give us peace.  They give us closer.  They give us dreams.  I can remember one very special defining moment from back in January of 2013.  That moment lives and breathes inside my heart still today.  You see, after I divorced, I had no desire to marry again let alone have any more children.  I felt complete and whole with the two boys God blessed me with already.  I was content with it being just the three of us forever as far as I was concerned.    But God had other plans for me.  God planted a seed inside of my heart and all of a sudden, I longed for more children.  I longed to be someone's wife.  All of a sudden, I felt this empty space in my heart.  I felt incomplete in a way I couldn't describe or even understand.  My heart literally changed in an instant.  Without a thought or something specific happ...

I feel like I have so many titles.  I'm a woman.  I'm a child of the Most High.  I'm a wife.  I'm a mother.  I'm a homemaker.  But, it's the less obvious title that I've felt I needed to express.  One that is always in the background.  One that is always in the dark.  It's not always easy to admit, but, I am also broken.  I suppose we all are in some way-some more than others.  No matter what has broken you though, the road to mend every single crack and reinforce every broken bone, at least for me, has been a long, painful journey.  I know that slowly and surely though, I am making progress; and that, I am thankful for.   I sat down with the intention of writing about being broken.  I wanted to write about how I feel on the inside.  How I know that many of you with the same titles as me must feel too.  As moms, especially, we put an immense amount of expectation on ourselves.  We tend to compare ours...