Beauty for Ashes

No matter how much I want God to change my situation, I can’t help but feel that it’s my spirit that needs the change of scenery.  God is more concerned with that, then changing a situation I feel needs to be changed.  Am I hurting, yes.  Am I uncertain about things, yes.  Would I like to be able to give my boys a hug and tell them I love them, yes.   But right now, there is something bigger at work that I don’t yet fully understand.  Right now, I have to let go and let God.  I have to trust in His plans even if I believe His plan right now totally sucks. When you face your greatest fear head on, something happens inside of you.  That fear you have always carried is now gone.  The anxious thoughts, the weight of the world, the waking out of a dead sleep because of the what if’s—all gone.  The fear no longer has a grip on you because you are living through and facing that fear.   I have found that there is so much freedom in that.  Loosing that fear doesn’t make the situation h

Healing.  We can’t schedule it or hurry it up.   But when we start to see it as unfolding layers of unexpected strength and richly revealed insights, it doesn’t feel so inconvenient or unfair. It starts to feel like the sweetest secret God ever whispered into the depth of our soul. —Lysa Terkeurst  I don’t why it happens; the tears just flow out of nowhere.  It’s then you realize that the pain has crept back in.  Had it not been for the tears, you wouldn’t have realized your heart was aching.  That it is was longing for something more.  That your heart was looking for something you or this world could not fill.  The void that is there is a dull ache that sometimes turns into a loud roar; begging for attention—for healing.  For something to fill its depths and rebuild it from the bottom, up again.   The pain will turn to joy.  The trial will be a blessing.  One day at a time the tears will turn into a smile.  The tears may still come out of nowhere every once in a

Revealing Jesus in my life hasn’t always been easy for me.  It’s taken effort and courage; it’s taken me not being afraid of whether my testimony will be met with resistance or embraced with open arms.  Revealing Jesus in my life means inviting others into my joy and sorrow.  All with the purpose of revealing what He has done with it all; especially the brokenness I’ve encountered.   To reveal Jesus is to be love; sometimes with complete strangers.  To open your heart and pour out song and praise.  To worship through music, writing or art.  To lift your hands in thankfulness while the weight of the world is crashing on top of you.  To reveal Jesus is to be that vessel of encouragement or hope all while someone who is too afraid or too broken to worship for themselves watches.   Sometimes, the very thing someone needs is to see you reveal all that He has done.  Reveal your joy.  Your sorrow.  Reveal what you’ve overcome and how He was by your side the entire way.  Reveal so th

The last fourteen months have been daunting, to say the least.  All of a sudden, I found myself slap right in the middle of living through parental alienation. If you don’t know what that is, you’re not alone; I didn’t know what it was either.  But somehow, regardless of not knowing what was happening, I found myself in my worst nightmare.   There are a range of emotions you go through; and I think as a mom, it’s a little harder on us given we carried our children and birthed them.  The connection is unlike anything else, and the love we carry is limitless and is given freely and unconditionally.  Despite what is happening in this season of unknowns, my love for my children is stronger than ever.   Many people want me out of the picture all together.  But the truth of the matter is, what happens in the dark always comes to light.  I too, was alienated from my family and friends for ten years.  I know what my children are living through.  I understand the turmoil they have to s