Beauty for Ashes

"Not one thing in your life is more important than figuring out how to live in the face of unspoken pain." For so long, I've been carrying around pieces of unspoken pain.  It's a part of a past that I don't want to remember.  Part of a past that I just want to run from.  And part of me thinks if I don't remember, it didn't really happen, you know?  So I stayed quiet.  Quiet out of fear and because of threats.  Quiet because the "what would he do to me" kept me in a state of panic.  The truth is, the person who I once trusted with my life, is now the one person who is out to destroy everything I am.   So, I stayed quiet; suffering internally.  Allowing only a few people in to understand the turmoil I constantly have to face.  And before I knew it, the days turned to months, and the months into years.  It's amazing how fast time goes.  What's also amazing is how God will continue to bring up the things you are running from-the thin

When she looks in the mirror, she doesn’t recognize the woman staring back at her; it’s been a hard life lived so far.  Her eyes are tired, her spirit is a little broken, her heart needing something she hasn’t yet found.  She is searching for herself; to find her place in the world.  To find the place where she truly belongs and can feel free.  She feels deeply and has this longing for more that is pulling at every heartstring.  A longing for family, for love, for acceptance, for peace.  A longing to be all that God created her to be.  She is a warrior and an overcomer; broken again and again and then made beautiful by His hands. 

In the dark corners of her heart, she heard God’s whispers; she felt His love breaking through the hardened parts.  In the dark corners of her heart, she began to feel; began to feel for the first time in years.  And it was only when she clearly saw Jesus did she correctly see herself.  Loved. Wanted. Beautiful. Strong. Courageous. A warrior and an overcomer.  A mother.  Friend. A child of The Most High.

Single moms will always have a special place in my heart; after all, I was one for three years.  And it wasn't until I found myself walking that road, did I truly understand what being a single mom actually looked like.  The physical, the mental; the demand of trying to mend my broken heart all while staying strong for my children, it was all so very overwhelming and difficult.  But had it not been for the loss of my former marriage, I wouldn't have come to know Him the way I have.  You see, it wasn't until my life was completely turned upside down did I truly seek Him with all my heart.  Loss and destruction can bring us to the end of ourselves; leaving us with an emptiness that only He can fill.  And standing in my kitchen in the summer of 2010, I found myself alone, sobbing over a sink full of dishes not knowing what to do or where to go; I didn't have a clue how I would manage this new found life I was thrown into.   But in that moment, instinctively I knew t

I feel like the last few years all I’ve been doing is climbing but not really going anywhere, you know?  And while in the wilderness, it's easy to see the things I’m missing in my life or the things that I have lost.  I notice what I lack and am quick to point out my weaknesses and flaws.  My head has me questioning where God is in the middle of all this, but my heart knows He is right there and that I can come to Him just as I am.  It’s a constant pull between what I know to be true and what the enemy wants me to hear and believe. And the hard part, at least for me, is to push past the lies in order to seek the entire truth.  To rest in His promises and love and see the blessings in the mundane and ordinary moments.  To see the blessings in the storm and rely on my faith until His promises come to pass.  I have my moments of clarity, the moments when I can see the beauty.  But I also have moments of darkness, where the storms cloud my eyesight showing me the pain and hearta

I can count on two hands how many times in my life I’ve spent with my grandmother.  Growing up times were tough and living in a different state didn’t make seeing her easy.  But even though I’ve had so little time with her in my thirty-seven years, I feel so deeply connected to her because of our paths in life and how similar the roads we have walked are.   I’ve been trying to find the words for this image and the one thing I keep hearing is faith.  I’ll never forget this day over the summer, when my grandmother and I sat at her kitchen table and she proudly showed me her rosaries.  I suppose after her eighty-eight years, her faith is what has kept her going all this time.  It carried her through the loss of a marriage after almost a decade due to infidelity, becoming a single mama until the day she met and married my grandfather.  I can imagine her faith is what calmed her fears and anxiety and wiped her tears after a hard day.  I know her faith is what saw her through the loss o

To tell you my story, I would need to first tell you of Him.  I would speak of His love and kindness; His mercy and grace.  I would tell you how He wanted me just as I was; broken and lost with no clue where to go or who to turn to.  I would tell you His plans are always better than anything you can dream up for yourself.  And even though it may not feel like your life is going the way it should, in His eyes, it is unfolding beautifully.   To tell you my story, I would need to first tell you of Him.  How He took my pain and sorrow, my broken heart and the relentless storms and in turn gave me beauty for those ashes.  I would tell you that at the time, walking in the wilderness may feel like torture, but His light always finds you just as the canopy is closing in.  And it isn’t until you can look back in hindsight, do you fully understand and see just how He was working it all out for your good.   To tell you my story, I would need to first tell you of Him.  Because He took th

Lord, Take these boys, into your hands. Protect them and guide them,  The best way you can. Be their light, When the path gets too dark. I don't want them to lose their way, when life gets too hard. Be their rock, When the ground gets too soft. I pray they stand on your promises, That are hidden in their heart. This world can be trying, And I know they'll do their best. Please be that safe place for them, To come sit and rest. Lord, take these boys, Into your hands. I'm standing on your promises, To love them better than I can.

Adversity has taught me a lot over the years.  It's been ruthless, unfair, and honestly so many other things that I could go on for days.  But what I didn't anticipate was finding the beauty in the midst of it all.  Adversity led me to my faith and relationship with God.  It led me to the most loyal and truthful friendships I have ever had.  Adversity has shown me my strength and just how resilient my heart is.   As I continue to journey along the path of life, I feel as though I am met with adversity around every corner; and to be honest, that adversity always has to do with my past.  My past has this idea that it is okay to follow me wherever I go; trying to knock me down and destroy who I am and take any good thing from my future.  So I found myself always running from it.  I ran in hopes of it never catching up to me.  But you want to know the truth?  The truth is, I stopped running a long time ago.  I stopped because I no longer feared what could happen in an unce

Walking through the Garden of the Gods, I couldn’t help but be in awe.  The grand stature and the sheer beauty of this place is so inspiring to me.  This spot stopped me in my tracks and as I stood and took it all in, life and the storms we face were put into perspective in a different way for me.  My camera could never capture the beauty of this place, but my words can help you feel what I felt in this moment; and maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to take away something and apply it when your own storms come.    I found myself reflecting on His goodness and the mountains that I have conquered in my lifetime.  How God helped me navigate up the winding path in the midst of my turmoil and wavering faith.  How He showed me where to place my feet and kept me safe as I traveled; and loved and protected me even when my trust was fading.  Man, I have walked along that winding path many times and have felt so small compared to the storms I was facing.  How when I looked to my left and rig

I have been quiet for the last few days, reflecting on my life.  Not picking up my camera or feeling inspired to create but to just be.  I’ve been still, trying to listen for God and His guidance through this new season of life for us.  Yesterday, I awoke in a new place, a new city with my husband by my side; and as we set out to explore, I was reminded of all God’s goodness in my life.  He led us here for something, at this moment it was to these flowers basking in His light; giving them what they need to thrive and grow.  And as His children, He does the same for us; giving us just what we need to flourish throughout our lives too.  My friends, God works in mysterious ways, and His ways are always good.  I am learning, the longer I follow Him how important it is to take those steps of faith towards His will and purpose; no matter what that looks like or how hard it may be or even what people may think or say.  The steps of faith forward far outweigh the chance of missing God.

Loss can teach us so many things.  And to each of us, loss can look differently.  For me, the loss I experienced was of my former hopes and dreams and time with my children because of divorce.  I’ve also experienced the gut-wrenching loss of two unborn babies.  To some, loss could be death or a broken relationship.  It could be a job or something more sentimental like treasured old photographs or a childhood home.  Whatever the loss you are experiencing, it has such tremendous power to teach us what is most important if we allow it to.   The power of forgiveness.  The sound of a laugh.  The realization of just how much someone means to us.  Loss can teach us the beauty of a moment.  The smell of a mother’s perfume.  To pay attention to the little things and just be present.  When we experience loss of any kind, we have a choice.  We can either look at all that we don’t have or the blessing of what we do.  I know for me, that when my house is quiet because the boys are away, the lo

The last couple of days, I’ve found myself asking God for a normal life again.  I find myself asking God to take me out of the situations I keep getting put into.  I keep asking for a different life all together.   I know I’m only asking these things because I’m so weary; I’m tired and beat down from the storms that blow into my life out of nowhere and without warning.  I just want a season without struggle; one where I can rest and recharge in His presence without the enemy coming to disturb me.  Now I know that is unrealistic thinking and that when I took up my cross to follow Jesus I knew what that meant.  But the constant turbulence has me about ready to give up.   But then, I’m shown Isaiah 43: 2 this morning in my devotion.   "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."  And just like t

You’ll forget your troubles; they’ll be like old, faded photographs.  Your world will be washed in sunshine, every shadow dispersed by dayspring.  Full of hope, you’ll relax, confident again; you’ll look around, sit back, and take it easy.  Job 11:16-18 Like an old photograph, your troubles will fade.  Becoming a distant memory of what once was and never will be again.  For the last seven years of my life, the trials and storms have been relentless; and much of my life and the moments a blur.  I have felt like I have been living going through the motions just to survive my every day.  And though I don’t want to have to walk through hardships, it’s part of who I am.  It’s part of why I was built.  I write about struggle and heartache because I know that there is someone out there who needs hope.  Who needs to know that they are not alone during these hard times.  I write because I know what it feels like to be lost and hurting all while feeling unloved and unwanted.  I write beca

With all the bad that has happened in my life, I can honestly say right now, today, that it’s okay.  And even though my life doesn’t look anything like I imagined it would, it’s far better than anything I could have dreamt up for myself.  You see, God is writing my story.  Not the people trying to hurt me.  Not the enemy who wants me to go back to the defeated woman I once was.  God is writing every word and chapter of my life.  Knowing that He is in my corner brings me comfort.  It brings me strength.  It brings me an immense amount of joy regardless of what is happening around me.  I am not nor will I ever be defined by my circumstances.  I am confident that my God will redeem and restore everything that was lost and taken from me.  And one day my family will once again be restored and the truth will be set free.  Despite the bad that keeps happening, I know that God will use it for good.  That what was meant to harm me will only be used to raise me up.  To raise me higher and hig

The mountain top can seem so far away when you’re standing in the valley.  It can seem like an impossible feat to climb up, out of the muck and mire in attempt to stand on solid ground.  Looking up you can see His light and the place you want to be, but your trials and the emotions that come from it all distract you, keeping you from doing the one thing you know to do.  Seeking God with your whole heart during these times can be difficult; at least they are for me.  But what if I told you joy can be found in the darkness of the valley?  That His blessings can be found there in the midst of the storm too.  “That this trial you are walking had to happen and that sometimes, God uses the bad decisions of others if it will bring you to your purpose”. (Steven Furtick)  You see, in your weakness, His strength is made perfect; allowing you to look up and not only see the place you want to be at the top of the mountain, but also His mighty hands, outstretched and reaching for yours to help y

Lord, Help me to see you in this heartbreak.  Help me to understand the purpose of this one.  Help me to process through these emotions I'm feeling.  With each heartbreak, I've been made new.  Whole.  Complete.  With each heartbreak, I've seen your faithfulness and love shine through the darkness.  Lord, help me to see it in this.  Help me to remember all you've done in my life.  Help me to see you through the disappointment and heartache; through the tears.  Help me to see the blessings instead of my circumstances.  Help me to rejoice through the pain and praise through the tears.  I thank you for never leaving me and for walking right beside me always.

I’m in a fight.  A fight to keep pushing towards my purpose.  Towards the woman God has called me to be.  I struggle a lot with this.  I struggle because of the storms.  The storms that keep coming for me, the storms that cause destruction and heartache; that cause loss and disappointment.  The storms that rush in and shake every bit of my life and leave it dismantled in a way I can’t figure out how it all should fit back together again.   Lately, I’ve allowed these storms and the distractions they bring to get in the way of my quiet time with God.  It’s a slippery slope once you start sliding down and it’s hard to regain your footing to climb back out again.  But I’m a fighter.  I’m in a fight to keep on keeping on.  To not allow these distractions or the storms cause me to slide down farther and farther away from my purpose.   If there is one thing I’ve learned over the last decade, it’s that despite what comes my way, I always come out stronger on the other side.  That the

When I look in the mirror, I don’t even recognize myself anymore.  The woman I was and the woman I am are colliding with the woman I am to be.  And if I’m being honest with myself, that is a scary thought.  Within me lie so many emotions and feelings.  Within me lie past hurts that have shaped me in ways I never could have imagined.  Within me lie tremendous joy and sorrow through the broken roads I’ve journeyed down.  Within my soul there is a strength that only comes from surrendering it all to God and the perseverance it takes to get through the trials of life.  My purpose is inside of me somewhere and I’m on a journey to find it.  The road of life has taken me many places; some that I never had any intentions of going.  And now, I find myself on a journey that will change my life in ways I can’t even fathom.  All the heartbreak, all the pain and sorrow, all the joy and loss that is on the inside has a purpose; a purpose to impact the Kingdom in big and mighty ways.  Inside of me, a

Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. -Proverbs 3:6 The last time I sat in this kitchen, I was nine. And all those years back, I never would have dreamt I would have to walk the roads I've journeyed down to get me to my today. But as I sit and look out at the rolling hills and the soy bean field swaying in the wind, I can't help but to see all of God's goodness. All that He has done in my life and every situation He has touched. I can't see Him yet in this road I just journeyed down, but I am confident I will see his faithfulness soon.  It was Him who carried me through the darkness of this storm, and it is Him, who is carefully, and slowly bringing me back into His light.  I'm thankful today. Thankful because even in the midst of my all my emotions, He is there, loving me through it. Thank you, Lord for your goodness.

Sometimes, our circumstances can leave us feeling lost; like we are watching our life go by from the sidelines and someone else is living it.  Like this can’t be our reality.  They can leave us unsure of what to think and feel.  Our emotions can sweep us away in a pit of despair and hopelessness; leaving us controlled by the one thing I know shouldn’t be in charge, our feelings.   As I try and process through emotions from the trial I just walked through, I’m left feeling so many things.  Things that the old me would just push away and hide instead of confronting them the healthy way.  The thing is, right now, I don’t want to feel.  I don’t want to process these things.  All I want to do is run away from the emotions that have taken over my heart.  I am stuck.  Stuck somewhere between the light and the dark.  Not knowing what to do with what I feel.   So instead of running away, I’m going to stay and fight.  Instead of being silent, I’m going to use my voice.   And as I wri

I'm learning that it's okay not to be okay.  And that feeling your emotions is something you do rather than burry them and pretend they're not there.  It's been a long road of healing for me.   Healing from my past that I finally found freedom from last June.  In so many ways that freedom changed me.  The chains that kept me locked down no longer have any authority over me.  But what I didn't realize, was that once I received that freedom, my old ways of processing things wouldn't work anymore.  My old ways wouldn't fit into my new found freedom mindset.  That instead of hiding what I felt, I would be forced to feel my feelings and process through them the right way. I am learning that the right way, though harder now, is the only way.   So instead of hiding I'm going to be open.  With God and the community of friends I surround myself with, I'm going to use my voice to share what I'm walking through.  I'm going to seek encouragement and w

This past year has been tough.  I found myself in a situation I would have never walked into willingly.  And now that it’s over, I find myself left with so many emotions.  Emotions that I don’t want to feel.  Ones I just want to run away from.  Ones that I’m tempted to push down and hide away in hopes of not having to face them.  But in order to heal, I have to face them, just like I faced my biggest fear this past year.  I have to talk about them and try to process them the best way I can.  And I know that I can’t do that alone.  So I share my heart and what Jesus has done and is doing in my life in hopes of bringing you hope or something you need to hear in the midst of your own storm.   As I process through these emotions, I’m going to write.  I’m going to use my voice instead of not saying anything at all.  I’m going to face these things instead of ignoring them.  When I pour out my heart, it brings healing.  When I pour out my heart, it helps others see that Jesus is there i

Father’s Day is a little different around here.  Our house is empty.  Quiet.  I’m thankful for the way my husband loves my children.  How he provides for us so I can be at home with them.  How he loves us and sacrifices for us daily.  And how he is taking on the role of a stepfather.  There are so many things that I long to see, and one of those things are my husband’s arms wrapped around our child.  His arms are safe.  Secure.  Loving.  His arms were made to protect this family.   Father’s Day is different when your child is in Heaven.  There are no hand-made cards or kisses for daddy.  No tickle monster laughter or checking for monsters under the bed at night.  There are a lot of things that we can’t do today, but the one thing we can do is rejoice because our child is wrapped in the arms of Jesus.  Our child is safe in His arms.  Our child is secure in His arms.  Our child is protected and loved in His arms.  And though we long to hold our child in ours, there is nothing greate

It takes courage to climb up.  To climb up and face your greatest fear.  To climb towards what you think others want you to be.  What expectations you have on yourself; even if your actions and insides don’t align.  But the real courage comes after the storms.  After the trials of this life have swept us up, shaking our life to the core and spitting us back out again; this time in an unfamiliar place.  A destination we had no desire to ever travel too.  After an outcome you didn’t anticipate or pray for.  The real courage comes from recognizing your weakness and the places you need help to mend back together.  The real courage comes from being vulnerable with the emotions you are feeling, sharing them in hopes of feeling normal again or that someone out there knows this pain.  And even though you don’t feel courageous, you know that Jesus loves you just the way you are right now.  Broken and hurting and in need of His grace to pull through the darkness and into His mighty light again.

There is so much beauty that comes from the broken parts of our stories.  The trials we face, the friends we lose, the hopes and dreams that lay shattered at our feet; all things that we can't control and have all experienced at one point or another.  Just when we think God hasn't heard us, our prayers for mercy and grace, He shows up in the most unexpected ways.  He shows up to make the broken beautiful. I found myself in a new reality a couple days ago.  I found my heart laying on the floor, shattered yet again and full of despair.  But God... God came to my rescue.  He came to make my broken parts new and different, giving me a new perspective and outlook.  He came to mend this broken heart, but this time, it was in record speed.  It's amazing how fast God can move sometimes, and it's something that I don't take for granted.  But when it happens, it's an amazing feeling to know He loves me so much and doesn't want me to hurt.  Twenty-four hours is a

I find myself bleeding and broken with a shattered heart again.  Trying to wrap my brain around my new reality.  I don't know what to do or what to say; I don't even have the words to pray.  I am numb. I thought that I've felt pain before.  But nothing, I mean nothing could have prepared me for today and the destruction that would find me. I don't understand God's plan for my life right now.  Or how this new reality could possibly be part of that plan.   I don't know the why's but I do know the who.  And the who is so faithful.  Even in the midst of this pain, I know it will be used for good one day.  I know that my testimony will be used to minister to others who are hurting.  I know that His plan is greater than anything I could have ever imagined for my life, and for that, I trust Him completely.  Even if that requires me to mend another shattered heart.  

He loved you at your darkest -Romans 5:8 It’s hard to think about God loving you when you are in the middle of a mess.  When your life is full of mistakes and bad choices, you don’t see how the light of God will ever reach down and touch your skin. For some reason, you can’t help but stay in the pattern of making mistakes and then trying to be good.  Trying to change parts about you that you feel need changing before God will ever accept you into His loving embrace.   But friends, I’m here to tell you that you can’t change these ways on your own.  You can’t change them in your own strength.  You can’t fix the brokenness that is on the inside without first letting God into every area of your life; even the hidden parts.  Your past, your mistakes, your sins, your today; God needs to get inside the trenches of your broken heart and change you from the inside out.  Filling the holes with His love and mercy, giving you a new life; a complete heart filled with compassion for the hur

It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to the Most High.  -Psalm 92:1 There are so many things I want to thank you for today, but what is on my heart this morning is VICTORY.  Victory over our hurts, over our addictions, victory over those wounds that have us chained to our past.  Victory over those mountains that are standing in front of us; leaving us overwhelmed and uncertain of what to do or where to go from here.  Lord, you are bigger than our hurts and addictions.  You are bigger than those old wounds that have left us chained to our past-you are bigger than these mountains standing in front of us today.  Lord, I thank you for moving these mountains and binding up old wounds; I thank you for the Victory in our lives that come from you.  

In the midst of this heartache, I praise you, Lord.  I thank you for the gentle reminder through disappointment that it is in your timing, not mine.  That through pain and discouragement and even longing for something to come to pass, you are always faithful to your word.  You are always right on time.   With these storms that are swirling around my family, I keep my eyes focused on you and you alone.  If I allow my eyes to focus on the storms, I’ll drown because I walk by faith, not by sight.  So today, and every day, I celebrate each and every one of these storms.  I celebrate because you can see the entire picture.  I celebrate because what is meant to harm me, you use for good.  I celebrate because you have walked with me before and you will continue to do so until this storm has passed.  I celebrate because I know that these storms are not what they appear to be.  So thank you, Lord, for all that you do.  I stand here with arms held high, ready to receive your rain.    

His promise is to take the dead and broken parts of your life and turn them into a creation more beautiful than you could ever imagine.  His promise is to give you beauty for ashes.  His promise is to love and nurture those places you have hidden from the world.  To ashamed to let others see your mistakes, your sin, your failures.  To love and nurture the deepest and darkest places inside of your heart until the seeds He planted begin to sprout.  He keeps watering them; and feeding them the nourishment of the word.  And over time the dark places are filled with light; His light. And the seed that was planted in the dark, began to sprout and grew into something beautiful.  To be used for His glory and His purpose so that others may see Him and all that He has done in you

Lord,  I come to you today with a humble heart wanting to uplift those who consider me their enemy.  You are a mighty God and I know first hand how you can change the hardest of hearts to love like you do.  I ask that you move in their lives today in a big way.  That you give them exactly what they need for what this day may throw at them.  Lord, I pray that if they are struggling with something, no matter how small that may be, that you comfort them in their time of need.  I ask that you love on them a little more than normal.  And that they will be able to put the distractions of the struggle aside in order to hear your whispers.  Lord, I ask that you shower them with blessings and that they are able to enjoy the moments they have with those they love most.  I pray that they know you are always there with them and that they can come to you with anything.  Lord, thank you for your love for us all and for showing me what it means to love like you.  

Lord, I come to you today with a humble heart.  A heart after your will for my life.  A heart that has felt enough sorrow to last a lifetime and even more joy.  A heart that is thankful for every single blessing you have given me and for your gentle correction in those times I took a wrong step.  You know my thoughts, worries and fears.  And you know my heart and what it desires.  Examine it and help me to always love like you do.  Lord, I ask that you come sit with me as I draw nearer to you in this moment.  Help me to quiet my heart and calm my soul; help me to just be still and listen.

With one foot in front of the other, walking slowly down a path where the light and dark are entwined, I find myself on a journey into the unknown.  I find myself in a circumstance that leaves me uncertain of the future.  People have made plans and set snares for me;  hiding in the shadows, waiting for the opportunity to bring me down.  I press on though, through the dark because I know that the light will always find me.  The light will always shine down letting me see where to safely place my feet. The sun will no longer provide my light by day, and the moon will not provide light by night.  The Lord is my permanent source of light (Isaiah 60:19-20) What was conspired in the dark, hidden from all to see, will always be made known.  The hidden snares and plans conspired in the darkness will not prosper; you will shoot down any attacks aimed for us.  What was meant to harm me, you will use to redeem me and restore all that was lost.   Lord, I'm pressing on because I know you

My heart is beating, fast and strong. You live inside me, you have been all along. Though I may grow weary, from time to time. Help me to remember, it’s your strength inside, not mine. Thank you for carrying me, when I couldn’t take another step. For walking beside me, instead of letting me trip. I want to do this right, and make you so very proud. I want to exude your love, despite hate that comes from all around.  Help me to run this race, with grace and humility. And be the kind of woman, you’ve always seen in me.  Thank you, Jesus, for believing in me. My heart is steadfast, because you are living in me. 

The last four days have been rough.  Been in bed sick, not able to do anything but just lay there.  But the truth is, it’s been extra rough because I allowed this trial we are walking to control my feelings and emotions.  I allowed fear to set in and dictate my every day.  I pushed my body to the breaking point-and this sickness was the only way God could get me to rest and recharge so that I can continue this journey the way I started it out.  This morning, I woke up a new person.  Every part of me feels alive and ready to take the next step.  This morning, I woke feeling God’s arms wrapped around me.  Caring for me, loving on me.  Confirming in me that He is indeed there and has been the whole time.  I sometimes forget that the way I love my children and wrap my arms around them is what God does to us in all times.  So thankful for this little reminder this morning and wanted to share it with you all.  Have a Blessed Monday. 1 King 19:1-8

In the midst of my pain tonight, I wanted to share in hopes of maybe helping one person out there.  And in order to do that, I need to be raw and vulnerable and talk about life for me right now, today, and what brokenness I am walking through.  I always write about my faith and how I got through difficult times; but tonight, I need you to see that I walk through valleys too.  I'm not always on the other side of a difficult situation.  I need you to see and understand that I struggle just like everyone else does and sometimes it takes a while to get it right. The brokenness is running deep these days.  I didn't think it was possible for my heart to feel pain like this, but for the last seven months, a child custody battle has just about broken me.  As of late, it has zapped my energy, my sleep, my appetite and my joy.  This wave of grief has swept over my head and it is barely letting me come up for a breath of air.  I can't even begin to describe the pain I feel inside;

The rain is falling fast and loud. It looks like teardrops  hitting the ground. I wonder what stories these tears would tell. What pain was carried from where they fell.  I wonder if they are stories  of the hurting and lost. I wonder if they are searching  for the one hung on the cross. Every tear that falls down like rain has a face and name behind that pain. I wonder if these tears  that fall down like rain. Could speak of healing from their pain. I wonder if these tears  that fall down like rain. Could be the key  that unlocks your shame. Every teardrop has a story of healing of grace; of His Mighty Glory. If these teardrops could carry our words. Would they say keep on despite the hurt? If these teardrops could carry our heart. Would they say you'll get through this difficult part? The rain is falling fast and loud. It looks like teardrops coming down. The rain brings life to nourish our home Just like His love bri

“I am smart and I am important.  I am a world changer.  I am brave and courageous.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I am called by God to do great things.  I am strong.  I melt in His presence yet stand strong in the face of adversity.  I can’t stop running because Jesus didn’t stop for me.  I am a finisher.  I am the right woman for the job.  I am a winner.  I am so loved.  I am richly blessed.  I am rooted and grounded.  I am abundantly graced.  I am my brother and sister’s keeper.  I am empowered to lead.  I am an overcomer.  I am more than a conqueror.  Greater is He that is in me than He that’s in the world.  I Am a Daughter of the King no matter how I feel and no matter how it looks I will see His promises manifested in my life.  I am patient and kind.  I am truthful.  I am hidden in Christ.  I am an end time soldier in His army.  I was born for such a time as this.  I have what it takes.  I am resourceful.  I am wise.  I wear God’s grace beautifully.  I am who God say