Beauty for Ashes

One of the biggest hurdles that I had to face when meeting and marrying my husband was to be comfortable relying on him and not want to do it all on my own anymore.  Adam was wanting to help provide for us, but I wouldn't allow him to do that either.  You see, after my divorce, I was determined that I would never rely on another man again for anything.  I was determined to make it on my own, and I did just that.  I told myself that the only person I would ever rely on again was me.  I had a great deal of satisfaction in knowing that I was able to make it on my salary alone and was able to put money away in case of an emergency.  I was proud at the fact that I could survive and not need any help financially; that I was making it on my own. It all changed though.  In an instant, I went from getting by to not having enough.  Adam would try to help out financially, but I wouldn't allow him. I was too prideful to do so.  I knew that God was working on me.  I felt it in my spirit t

My dear child. As you grow and mature, you are going to form your own opinions about things.  You will have all kinds of feelings and emotions about people and places.  Even about the people you love and trust.  You will no longer see the world with the eyes of an innocent child.  But, instead, with eyes of a young adult.  You will see that in reality, this world can be a cruel, and dark place sometimes; people too.  You see, if your heart is not in the right place, you can fall into becoming prideful, selfish, materialistic, lustful.  All things which are of the world.  All characteristics that aren't pleasing to God or a spouse.  As you learn to navigate your path and purpose, I ask that you allow love to be enough.   From the moment I found out you were growing inside of me, love was enough.  For every pound I gained, to the fatigue, for every moment of discomfort, love was enough.  Because of love, I forgot just how hard and painful it was to bring you into this world.

Psalm 62:1-2 "My soul finds rest in GOD alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." How does one become so heartless? How could someone actually enjoy causing someone else such pain and sorrow? When your soul aches so bad because of a heartless person, what do you do? With all of the trials I have faced and all the ones I still encounter, somehow I always manage to look up without realizing I am. I instinctively seek God in that moment.  My heart hurts from time to time. But, I know my soul finds rest in GOD alone. The beauty of this is, we have an amazing Father who is willing to carry all of our burdens.  All of our pain and sorrow.  So the next time you find yourself going through hard times.  Look up, cry out, allow your soul to find rest in GOD.

When I look at you, I can't help but to smile.  It starts from my heart and exudes onto my face.  When you hold my hand, I can still feel the warm, tingly feelings I felt the very first time you reached out for it.  When you scoop me up in your arms, I feel safe and at peace.  I can feel how much you love me in your embrace.        There are days when I wonder how in the world I deserve you?  Loving me can't be that easy at times.  After all, when we met, I was broken.  Some parts of me still are.  Instead of just letting me try and mend all alone, you are right there beside me; helping me, pushing me along.  Speaking truth and life into me.  Even with the brokenness, you love me anyway.  Somehow, you continue to sacrifice daily for me without any hesitation.  Somehow, you chose to love me.   I have the best of the best, best friend in you.  But, you're not just my best friend, you're my love.  You're not just my love, you're my heart.  You're not

Ever have a morning where you really needed Jesus?  I mean every living part of you.  Laying in bed you already feel empty and broken on the inside. You feel defeated in the first few moments before you open your eyes.  Your soul is aching, it's in agony and you have no motivation to do anything.  You don't want to get out of bed because you have no clue how you will survive the day.  Ever have one of those mornings? Those mornings are tough! But it's nothing that a little bit of coffee and a whole lot of Jesus can't fix.  In times like that, He wants us to come to Him.  He wants us to lay all of our burdens at His feet.  He wants us to lean on and depend on Him.  Our God is an amazing God.  And He can work in an instant.  He can use someone else to reach out or speak to you directly.  What an amazing thing to know that God is listening and working in your life.  The peace you get afterwards is indescribable.     That morning I described, was how I felt today.  I

This is month two of being off of the fertility meds.  It really has been hard for me.  Hard in the sense that I am giving up the control.  I know I heard in my spirit in early July that I wasn't supposed to be on meds any longer.  I wasn't ready to listen to that still small voice though.  I wasn't ready to give up that control.  In those moments, the desires of my flesh were more important than what I knew to be true in my spirit.  I went against what I knew I was supposed to do and continued another two cycles of medication.  In those two cycles, the first cycle did not work.  Instead I had crazy side effects and pain.  I thought it was a one time thing so went against that nudge again and did another cycle.  This time, the meds did their job, I ovulated, but that came with a great deal of pain and side effects and no baby.     I know that without being on them, my chances of conceiving naturally are slim to none because of the PCOS.  But, because of the side effec

I know that I am a work in progress.  God is constantly stretching me beyond my comfort zone.  I am always learning and growing.  I am learning daily more and more about who I am in Christ.  God has me going through a season of change.  I don't quite understand it all in this moment, but I am certain I one day will.  Change isn't always pleasant.  It is sometimes scary.  It can be extremely difficult.  It can be emotionally draining.  Change can be a lot of things.  But no matter what kind of change I may be trekking through today, my faith and my trust in Him will remain my constant to help get me through the times of change. The change you may be experiencing may not necessarily be something you wanted, or planned for your life.  As a matter of fact, God could have you going in the complete opposite direction that you laid out for yourself.  That's when I know that I have to throw my hands up and say, 'okay, God, I'm giving this all to you' and just t

We have all experienced some sort of loss.  It is part of life.  Whether it be a loss of a loved one. The loss of a marriage. The loss of a physical ability. There are so many different ways to suffer a loss. But, through all that I have lost I am still able to rejoice with my God. The loss of my marriage led me to the most amazing, God fearing man. A man that was better than anything I could have ever imagined. That loss led me to a better future, the one God intended for me to have.  God was busy molding both of us through our losses to be the perfect fit for each other. In His timing he brought us together. There are no words for the loss of our child, but tonight I am rejoicing that our child is in the arms of our Heavenly Father. You see, each trial He is walking right there beside you. With each trial He is refining you. Without my battles I wouldn't have found my strength and would have buckled under the huge amount of pain I was in.   You don't have to go at

I can feel that you are struggling with your thoughts today.  I know because of your past, and emotional wounds, the negative self-talk and thoughts are always present.  Because of your past, you view yourself differently than the world sees you; you view yourself differently than God sees you.  You don't always mean to think negatively about yourself, but somehow, it just happens.  I know the pain all to well of having emotional wounds.  God is still healing what's left of mine.  He can and will heal all of yours too.  It isn't an easy road to travel down; but I assure you, once some of your wounds are healed and you begin to experience the freedom that healing brings, you won't ever be the same.   Declare today, and every morning, that something great is going to happen.  Declare today, and every day, that God is working in your life.  Declare today, and every day, that you are blessed and thank Him for it all.  Declare today, and every day, that you are a child of