There are times in life when you have to face whats up ahead. Not sure of what is waiting for you, you have to make a decision—run straight for it or turn back and go a different way.
Some of the hardest trials are waiting up ahead; and you can see them in the distance. But how do you make the decision to embrace the trial and all it will entail. Surely, it would be easier to flee. It would be easier to run the opposite direction and not have to face it at all. But eventually, it would come back round asking to be seen and heard.
Each and every morning, that’s where I am at. Having to make the decision to walk into whats up ahead or turn around. And each morning I don’t ever wake knowing if it will be ‘one of those days’, emotionally. I wake knowing that I’m at the crossroads of facing what my reality is today or pushing it all away and checking out of myself and live just going through the motions.
The heaviness I feel and the aching of the void sometimes are roaring loudly as soon as my eyes open to try and grab my attention. But sometimes I just need silence. I need to not feel the longing for my children for a minute. Sometimes it’s easier to distract myself and live just going through the motions.
Each morning, I say a prayer and make a choice to keep moving forward. Even in the brokenness, I will find the beauty of today. The pain does have a purpose, and I refuse to allow it to rob me of anymore life. I refuse to allow it to rob me of my future. I will not live stuck in the past of what could have been because what is waiting for me up ahead is so much greater than I could ever imagine.