Silver Lining

Joint custody is something I don't think I'll ever get used to.  The week on week off schedule is hard on everyone-especially, the boys.  This morning, I dropped them off at school and had to say goodbye for what still feels like the very first time.  I miss them like crazy-every second of every single day they are away. I hate that I am missing out on half of their lives growing up and there isn't anything I can do about it.  My life has felt incomplete for so long because of the longing for more time with the boys.

But God.  God has a way of showing us things at just the right moment.  In those moments when we need to see it and understand it the most.  Just when I think it won't ever get any easier, it does a little.  Tonight, for the first time, I was able to find the silver lining in the midst of all of this.  I suppose it's something that I have always known and understood, but something that my heart wasn't ready to fully grasp in order to embrace it.

My life is in no way incomplete.  But the enemy wants me to believe it is because of our family dynamics.  For so long, I have had the wrong outlook on it all.  For so long, I could only see the bad instead of the beauty that came from the devastation.  I have failed to embrace that the silver lining is the amount of quality time my husband and I get to have.  The time we can spend growing and loving each other better.  The time we can pick up and go out on the town and explore new places to watch the sunset.  The silver lining is that yes, it's natural that I long for more time with the boys, but it's also okay to long for more time with my husband too.  Part of me feels guilty even saying that, but the reality is, every wife should long for more time alone with her husband.  It is absolutely essential to making a happy and healthy marriage.

Instead of looking at our goodbyes with a heavy heart, I should be looking at it with anticipation for the one on one time with my husband.  Sure, I'm always going to miss the boys like crazy when they are away.  But the reality is, I can't change the fact that they have to go.  What I can change however, is my outlook.  I can choose to see all of the good that came from all of the bad and embrace it each and every day.

God gave me beauty for my ashes.  He gave me so much more than I ever could have imagined.  I am incredibly thankful for His continuing guidance in my life.  For His correction.  For His way of showing me what I need to see at just the right moment.

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