All Because of You

The morning I found out about you it was early.  I was up because I wasn't getting much sleep those days.  You see, two days prior, I found out my marriage was over.  We still hadn't told the boys, so my former spouse was asleep in the next room.  That morning, he left his cell phone on.  That morning, a text came through-from you.  When I first found out about you, I didn't know what to think or how to feel.  I felt betrayed instantly. I was angry with you.  I had been lied to.  I didn't want to believe the evidence on the cell phone I held in my hands.  You hear of stories all the time of this happening, I just never thought it would happen to me.  How could I have been so clueless-so naive?  I didn't want to believe any of it.  I think I was just in a state of shock.  I didn't want to believe that my then spouse was having an affair.  That you knew about my marriage ending before I did.  I can remember thinking, "how could you?"

 How could you get involved with a married man?  How could you live with yourself knowing you were part of the reason my family would crumble?  How could you intentionally cause innocent children this huge amount of pain and stress and derail their lives?  How could you?

 But then, something changed.  I began feeling thankful for you.  Thankful because you are part of the reason I had been set free.  Set free from ten years of heartache.  I would never again have to worry about competing with pornography.  I would never have to worry again about being compared to other women.  I would never again feel like I wasn't good enough.  I would never again feel that huge amount of stress walking into my home.  I would never have to hear the words, "you are weak" by someone who was supposed to build me up, not tear me down.  It's because of you that I was released from that unhealthy marriage.  I was released from it all.  For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel the weight of my marriage.  I could breathe again.  All because of you.

 You are part of the reason I got a fresh start.  To have a chance of finding true love.  Love that I deserved all along.  In a way you gave me those things.  Though that morning was devastating to me, I was able to find the blessings amongst all of that pain.  The blessing of freedom and second chances.  The blessings of a new life.  The blessings of a better future.  And for that, I thank you.  

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