I Forgive You

After my former spouse left,  I knew immediately that I needed to work on forgiving him as it was part of the healing process. This was the last thing I wanted to do-EVER!  That meant I would have to choose to forgive him for leaving, for the years of mental abuse, for the effects his pornography addiction had on me, and for the multiple times of infidelity. I can remember arguing with God about this. How could I forgive a man that did all of that to me? He doesn't deserve my forgiveness. I was mad and sad and angry all at once and God wanted me to choose to forgive him? I didn't see any possible way this would ever happen.


Then God began to work on me. He started to mend my broken heart.  He reminded me that even though someone wrongs us, we are to always forgive. No matter what.  God reminded me that I make mistakes too, and He always forgives me.  I know that I do not deserve His forgiveness, but He forgives me anyway.  I realized that all of the feelings I was having about forgiveness, God must feel that way too. If He could forgive, then surely I could too.



I prayed and spoke to God all of the time about what forgiveness looked like and how it would feel.  I couldn't fathom how I would ever recognize it. I didn't know how I would be able to tell that I truly had forgiven him because my pain was so great.  I felt like my pain would drown out any feeling of forgiveness.  


I can vividly remember when it happened.  It was late at night, the boys were already asleep, and I was having my time with God. All of a sudden, I had so much peace come over me and there it was-forgiveness.  That was the moment I truly forgave him. That was the moment my true healing started to take place. That was the moment I realized that if I could overcome this mountain, I could climb many more.  

By forgiving my former spouse, I am not saying what he did is okay.  Or that I am going to pretend like none of it ever happened.  It simply means, I forgive him.  Because of what he did, it molded me into the woman I am today. Because of what he did, it drives me to bring healing to others.  Because of what he did, I have a stronger, more personal relationship with my God.  Because of what he did, I have the most amazing husband who loves me the way I deserve.  For those reasons, I will always be incredibly thankful. 

Choosing to forgive was such a hard thing for me to do.  In the end, it was the best thing I could have done.  Because I forgave, I was able to heal.  


Ephesians 4:32  
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ forgave you."

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