What Would God See?

Looking back at my past, I can recall more bad things than good.  I was many things in that marriage.  But the thing I remember most was how alone I felt.  I was reminded of that when I found this picture of the three of us.  It was taken a month before my former spouse walked away.  

After my divorce, I was asked once by my counselor, "when you were married, if God was to pull the roof off of your home and look inside at your family, what would He see?"  Such a profound question. I sat there for what seemed like eternity before I spoke.  That question had me stumped.  I couldn't think of anything to say.  When I thought of my family during that time, I only saw three of us, never four.  The only image of my family and home life I could see was one of the boys and myself sitting around our kitchen table.  Those were some of my most treasured times with the boys.  My former spouse rarely was home to eat with us and when he was home, he would never sit at the dinner table with us.  I was really digging to find an image of the four of us at home-but never could.  I was really hoping I could come up with at least one thing to say-but I couldn't.  Finally, I simply said, "He wouldn't see anything.  It was always just the three of us."  Her reply really put it into perspective for me.  She said, "So, if God were to look in your home before the divorce, He would see the same thing He does today. Just you and the boys."  I realized in that counseling session that in a way I was already living like it was just us.  My spouse was never at home with us so my living circumstances weren't really that different.  I just had a piece of paper now saying I wasn't married.  God saw me all along. He was preparing me for this season of life.  He was there for me and I didn't even see it until now.  

Looking back, I realized the major difference between life before and after the divorce.  It was having a close, personal relationship with my God.  I was a believer during that marriage.  Just a believer without the relationship part.  I saw for the first time, He was there for me in that marriage when I was so lonely.  He was there when I didn't seek Him.  He was there even when I was disappointing Him.  I just didn't have the relationship with Him to be able to see it or to be able to feel Him.  I was numb to His love.  My heart was hard. 

Having a relationship with God is the most important part. After the divorce, I really sought after God.  The time I was a single mother should have been some of the loneliest times for me.  Especially, when the boys were spending time with their father.  I had never really been single for any length of time.  I had never been alone.  The crazy thing is, even in the midst of all the chaos, I was never lonely.   The three years I was single, I never once felt that loneliness like I did when I was in that marriage.  God was that void in my life that was missing then.

I now see even when I didn't really know Christ, He was still there.  He was behind the scenes working on my behalf.  He was looking after my coming and going even during my worst time.  If you don't know Christ, let me introduce you to Him.  He is waiting patiently for you too.  He loves you regardless of your past and failures.  Don't do life being numb to God's love. To His grace. To His peace. Choosing to really seek after God changed my life.  Just like I know it will change yours.